I

Who am I?

Daughter: I am obedient, biting my tongue and clenching my teeth – a volcano of emotions, respectful of the two that gave me life, even if I don’t always agree with the guidance I am given.

Sister: I am the ride-giver, listener, ex-babysitter and occasional target of unwanted attacks. The oldest, meant to be an example for to be followed, and the pressure of it lies heavy on my shoulders.

Writer: I live a fantasy, reliving moments of my life the way I wish they had occurred, the stuff of my stories written in notebooks in pen, typed… until the self-editor kicks in: backspace backspace erase erase crumple crumple.

Student: I divide, like bacteria, parts of my head focus on one class, another part: another class and so on and so forth. I dream characters, eat reading, walk writing and talk in passages and quotes.

But this is not all I am, roles that could be filled by any person, but I can’t see myself as anything else. I am stuck in myself, unable to see more than I the mistake-maker.

What about the future I? Who will that person be? A mother? A traveler? If anything, I of now wishes more than anything that the future I will be happy, confident and doing exactly as she pleases, smiling and spreading a joy so contagious that she’ll be loved by all. This is the I that I wish to be.

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